Talk:Bystanders foil knife-weilding man on London Bridge with fire extinguisher, whale tusk
Review of revision 4531000 [Not ready]
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Revision 4531000 of this article has been reviewed by Gryllida (talk · contribs) and found not ready at 22:15, 1 December 2019 (UTC).
Comments by reviewer: The first paragraph does not answer the 'why'. The roles of people are confusing. How many people did what, and in what order? The article layout is confusing - the description of the event is mixed with impressive comments; as a result, the reader does not find out the state of the victims until at about 80% of the story. Just looking at "According to police, they were called to Fishmonger's Hall at Cambridge University around 2:00 p.m. local time. (essential detail) The University had been hosting a program called "Learning Together" for criminals wishing to rehabilitate. (background) Khan was attending a related event. (background) Police also said that Khan claimed to be wearing a suicide vest, though it was later found to be a harmless fake. (little detail) " Relevance of some of the quotes is questionable and I would suggest to complement them with a descriptive sentence. Please make the article layout and roles of the people less confusing, and re-submit. Thank you. Questions about the above? Ask. If possible, please address the above issues then resubmit the article for another review (by replacing {{tasks}} in the article with {{review}}). This talk page will be updated with subsequent reviews. |
Revision 4531000 of this article has been reviewed by Gryllida (talk · contribs) and found not ready at 22:15, 1 December 2019 (UTC).
Comments by reviewer: The first paragraph does not answer the 'why'. The roles of people are confusing. How many people did what, and in what order? The article layout is confusing - the description of the event is mixed with impressive comments; as a result, the reader does not find out the state of the victims until at about 80% of the story. Just looking at "According to police, they were called to Fishmonger's Hall at Cambridge University around 2:00 p.m. local time. (essential detail) The University had been hosting a program called "Learning Together" for criminals wishing to rehabilitate. (background) Khan was attending a related event. (background) Police also said that Khan claimed to be wearing a suicide vest, though it was later found to be a harmless fake. (little detail) " Relevance of some of the quotes is questionable and I would suggest to complement them with a descriptive sentence. Please make the article layout and roles of the people less confusing, and re-submit. Thank you. Questions about the above? Ask. If possible, please address the above issues then resubmit the article for another review (by replacing {{tasks}} in the article with {{review}}). This talk page will be updated with subsequent reviews. |
"Conference for criminals wishing to rehabilitate"
editThis was a conference about rehabilitation. Any interested members of public were able to attend. I have found no evidence of the attendees, or a part of the audience, being necessarily criminals themselves. --Gryllida (talk) 22:30, 1 December 2019 (UTC)
Changed layout, added details, re submitted
editReview of revision 4531187 [Passed]
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Revision 4531187 of this article has been reviewed by Pi zero (talk · contribs) and has passed its review at 23:22, 2 December 2019 (UTC).
Comments by reviewer: None added. The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer. |
Revision 4531187 of this article has been reviewed by Pi zero (talk · contribs) and has passed its review at 23:22, 2 December 2019 (UTC).
Comments by reviewer: None added. The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer. |
Thank you for the review and detailed editing. I found it particularly useful, for my future reference, that sentences like "N victims died" should be complemented with dates - as others may or may not die, or be discovered, on a later day. This is important. Thank you, Pi zero. --Gryllida (talk) 23:48, 2 December 2019 (UTC)