Talk:Christina Grimmie killed by 'infatuated' fan; Orlando police close case

@ATS: To create links to Wikipedia, please use {{w}} template.
acagastya 03:42, 23 June 2016 (UTC)

Much obliged. I'm not here often. 🖖ATS / Talk 04:13, 23 June 2016 (UTC)

Review of revision 4226662 [Passed]

Revision 4226662 of this article has been reviewed by Pi zero (talk · contribs) and has passed its review at 01:24, 24 June 2016 (UTC). Copyright: Passed Newsworthiness: Passed Verifiability: Passed NPOV: Passed Style: Passed Comments by reviewer: There were quite a few passages too close to source; develop a writing technique that doesn't involve such. There's some advice at WN:PILLARS#own (extremely compact, like everything on that page), and discussion at WN:Plagiarism. Synthesis writing on Wikinews being, after all, different from both Wikipedia writing and journalistic use of wire services. Wanted a bit more application of WN:Attribute. Interesting opportunity to get a clear picture of the case. The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer.

Revision 4226662 of this article has been reviewed by Pi zero (talk · contribs) and has passed its review at 01:24, 24 June 2016 (UTC). Copyright: Passed Newsworthiness: Passed Verifiability: Passed NPOV: Passed Style: Passed Comments by reviewer: There were quite a few passages too close to source; develop a writing technique that doesn't involve such. There's some advice at WN:PILLARS#own (extremely compact, like everything on that page), and discussion at WN:Plagiarism. Synthesis writing on Wikinews being, after all, different from both Wikipedia writing and journalistic use of wire services. Wanted a bit more application of WN:Attribute. Interesting opportunity to get a clear picture of the case. The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer.

My thanks, User:Pi zero, for your hard work. As we've discussed, my writing style is a holdover from my previous experience; in other words, these kids these days are plagiarizing us old guys! (I'm kidding. Mostly.) Cheers! 🖖ATS / Talk 01:39, 24 June 2016 (UTC)

Minor stuff

Pi zero, may I request a few minor fixes/changes?

• "released on Wednesday" > "released Wednesday": "on" is rarely used in this context
• "Kevin James Loibl, age 27," > "Kevin James Loibl, 27,": "age" is rarely used in this context
• "his St. Petersburg, Florida home," > "his St. Petersburg home,": appositive commas notwithstanding, it's Wikilinked and therefore redundant
• "Dennington,, self-described" > "Dennington, self-described": extra comma
• "no-one" > "no one": US story, US usage
• "Police said Loibl told no-one they talked to he would attend her Orlando concert, nor were those they talked to aware of any threats." is accurate, careful—and clunky. Maybe "Police said Loibl told none of their witnesses he would attend her Orlando concert, and none of them was aware of any threats."

Again, my thanks. 🖖ATS / Talk 01:56, 24 June 2016 (UTC)

@ATS: Well, typical phraseology on Wikinews is something of an amalgam, as we do have several North American Wikinewsies (such as myself) but also some in Scotland, some in England, some in Australia, and of late our most active writer is in India.

• I've been more inclined to use "on" before weekdays since, a few months back, one of our regulars in Scotland admitted to finding the omission of "on" in such contexts sounded wrong to him.
• There's a certain clarity, I think, in the "age" qualification. Just a thought.
• I suppose we could leave off the "Florida" after St. Pete, though I'd justify it from the fact we've already said we're talking about Florida; a news article should be self-contained, not dependent on following links to make sense of it.
• US usage? In my experience "no one" versus "no-one" doesn't particularly correlate geographically. I've no strong preference either way.
• I was aware the told/aware sentence was awkward; feel free to submit an edit there.

The way to go about these things is to make such small, reasonable edits to the article. They don't get published until-and-unless approved by a reviewer. --Pi zero (talk) 02:37, 24 June 2016 (UTC)

Okay, cool—my watchlist showed admin-only protection so I didn't bother to try. (xD) I think part of the reason it's safe to dump "Florida" in graf 2 is that it's there (and linked) in graf 1. I'll work on that one sentence to get it right. The rest are piddling. (xD) 🖖ATS / Talk 02:46, 24 June 2016 (UTC)

Oh! Oh dear, yes, I can see how that "protected" thing could discourage people from editing. We had a page-move vandal here some months back, and ever since I've gotten into the habit of fully protecting published articles against page moves; usually I don't protect them against editing, though, unless there's a problem — though I did proactively semi-protect editing on the Orlando nightclub shooting. --Pi zero (talk) 02:56, 24 June 2016 (UTC)

I should be ashamed of myself; I'm a pending changes reviewer on WP and I didn't recognize that. Feel free to trout me. xD 🖖ATS / Talk 02:59, 24 June 2016 (UTC)